Going and Coming

Some folks say that your trip begins when you commit to it. If that's the case, I've already embarked on my journey. I bought my plane ticket to Durango last night. I'm leaving San Francisco on Thursday, May 12, and arriving, in the southwest, during the first few minutes of Friday the 13. Why Durango? Well, why not? (Oh, okay, you want the truth? the voices told me to go there....). Why Friday the 13th? Well, I think somehow, this trip is all about giving up my preconcieved notions of just about everything. Instead of listening to Friday the 13th as freaky, unlucky, suspicious and mischievous, I could experience it as generative, inspiring, fortuitous, and generous. I just have to give up what i think i know and be completely clear of expectation...then, really, who knows what will show up? Friday the 13th can just be a series of events, from which i can deduce whatever it is i want to deduce and make it mean whatever i want it to mean. I can file all those meanings away for reference, or i can just let them set with the sun, and wait for the beginning of the next day.

So today I began my goodbyes at work. I gave the garden over to two beautiful volunteers, who will dilgently till, water, plant and harvest the summer/fall crops. As i toured them around the grounds and through the greenhouse, i imagined what the garden would look like in 3 months. I've just spent the past 3 days planting seeds with all the students at my school, excitedly explaining about all the new varieties of pumpkins, heirloom tomatoes, native corn, and african gourds that would come to life in our little sun bowl of a garden. I won't see them develop. I won't stand in awe inside the 12 foot high sunflower house with the sky blue ceiling; i won't taste the dramatic difference between the 4 varieties of strawberries, or delight in sharing bouquets of flowers and baskets of raspberries with my neighbors. My heart sobbed in my chest during the whole meeting, and i doubted why i was leaving.

And then I remembered the vision I had that started this whole trip manifestation in the first place: I saw a tree behind my eyelids, and i followed it, from the sturdy roots, up its solid trunk, out its graceful branches, past its leaves and to its blossoms--and then i felt the wind, and watched as it picked the pollen from the blooms and carried it away. I knew then and i remember now that it's my time to go out and instigate the growth all sorts of fruit, so the bounty can be shared more widely, and even more seeds can be planted next season. I can only hope that I'll be well-received...