morning musings (or, the gentle way back to blogging)

it's a whopping -1 F outside this morning. i'm inspired because this is the recording of negative numbers, allowance for the realm beneath zero, which we so often feel animosity towards in our pro-active, pro-ductive, pro-ceeding society. anything under the surface or in the red is to be avoided, right?

i woke up sad yesterday. sad, unmotivated, perhaps a little afraid--these things all came first, and in a split second came the awareness of self-deprecation, self-pity, and immobility. mostly because i immediately noticed these first feelings as ones i didn't want to have. there was no acceptance of them, and therefore a quick advancement into judgement and desire to change how i felt.

for once, i took a step back. sad, unmotivated, afraid: okay. fair enough. hang out if you need to, i'm going to get up and make breakfast--do you want some coffee? toast or yogurt? let me know if you need anything. there's a pen and some paper over there if you want to write; otherwise, i was thinking about going for a walk in a bit. you're welcome to come.

after some time, sadness and lack of motivation went to go hang out in the shady understory of the pinetrees outside my window. fear stayed with me into the afternoon, but then, when i got in my car to do some errands, it wasn't around for the ride. no rhyme or reason, just gone.

most of the time there's nothing to fix, and nothing really to do, just everything to accept. and as soon as you do, it changes. it's 9 outside now. i think i'll go for a walk towards the sunlight...