role review
yes, it's true. i completely disappeared for a while. i don't really know if i'm fully back yet, or if "coming back" even fits into my reality, but that's another story.
somehow, after dodging the bullet three times, i got hit with the nasty nasty flu that's been hanging out in colorado. this morning i was thinking about how tough this little bug must be to withstand colorado extremes--then i realized that's why so many people got sick: we humans just host them through the winter! in any case, i went from being the girl with the intuition to avoid the plague to the girl who's immune system couldn't match it's perpetrator. i don't get sick. and i got sick, pretty gosh darn awful sick.
the personality that showed up during my illness looked a lot different than how i typically see myself. it complained about pain, it wouldn't get up off the couch, it even channel surfed for the sake of diluting reality! when my friends adam and erika came in from boston for a visit, it refused to go out skiing and hot spring soaking. it got short tempered and quiet and non-conversive. the only thing that got it up was the necessity of going to work to make money. and, to top it all off, it refused to drink coffee for over 2 weeks!
last night, on my way into work, i finally succumbed and popped a few pills so that i could withstand the throbbing headache that sent sharp pains through my limbs anytime i bent over or cleared my throat. and WOW! now i understand the appeal! my pain subsided and i felt like GOD. i could do anything! my relatively true self crawled out of it's shut-in state and made jokes, praised sunlight, carried hundreds of pounds of ice up and down stairs, and even tried singing through my strained, laryngitic vocal chords. of course, by the end of the night, those 400 mg. of ibuprofen started to wear off, and i collapsed into bed, coughing and aching all over again. note to self: drugs simultaneously open up and shut down key parts of a functioning system--it's hard to ever accurately calculate the benefit versus the detriment.
so, today i'm feeling a little better, physically, but mildly in shock at the ways i've been engaging with the world around me for the past few weeks. i almost don't know who i am, in a way. it's like i've stepped into a character sketch and the character has become me so quickly that i'm not sure i could possibly be the me i was before i entered this play. i suppose that is what i want in life: movement through a variety of experiences, self-awareness that incorporates both a sharpening and dropping away of identity, but right now, i just feel thrown off course.
well, as this illness ebbs away, we'll see what shoreline remains for the next tide of my life...
somehow, after dodging the bullet three times, i got hit with the nasty nasty flu that's been hanging out in colorado. this morning i was thinking about how tough this little bug must be to withstand colorado extremes--then i realized that's why so many people got sick: we humans just host them through the winter! in any case, i went from being the girl with the intuition to avoid the plague to the girl who's immune system couldn't match it's perpetrator. i don't get sick. and i got sick, pretty gosh darn awful sick.
the personality that showed up during my illness looked a lot different than how i typically see myself. it complained about pain, it wouldn't get up off the couch, it even channel surfed for the sake of diluting reality! when my friends adam and erika came in from boston for a visit, it refused to go out skiing and hot spring soaking. it got short tempered and quiet and non-conversive. the only thing that got it up was the necessity of going to work to make money. and, to top it all off, it refused to drink coffee for over 2 weeks!
last night, on my way into work, i finally succumbed and popped a few pills so that i could withstand the throbbing headache that sent sharp pains through my limbs anytime i bent over or cleared my throat. and WOW! now i understand the appeal! my pain subsided and i felt like GOD. i could do anything! my relatively true self crawled out of it's shut-in state and made jokes, praised sunlight, carried hundreds of pounds of ice up and down stairs, and even tried singing through my strained, laryngitic vocal chords. of course, by the end of the night, those 400 mg. of ibuprofen started to wear off, and i collapsed into bed, coughing and aching all over again. note to self: drugs simultaneously open up and shut down key parts of a functioning system--it's hard to ever accurately calculate the benefit versus the detriment.
so, today i'm feeling a little better, physically, but mildly in shock at the ways i've been engaging with the world around me for the past few weeks. i almost don't know who i am, in a way. it's like i've stepped into a character sketch and the character has become me so quickly that i'm not sure i could possibly be the me i was before i entered this play. i suppose that is what i want in life: movement through a variety of experiences, self-awareness that incorporates both a sharpening and dropping away of identity, but right now, i just feel thrown off course.
well, as this illness ebbs away, we'll see what shoreline remains for the next tide of my life...
posted by amy at
9:40 AM
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