I didn't do anything today!!!

I'm ridiculously proud of myself. Of course, I had to get sick in order to really let myself go there, and be okay with it all. See, today really hasn't been a lot different from the past few days: I've had only a few plans, if any, and, in comparison to who I know I myself to be in the world (very busy, moving all the time, NEVER at home), I was terribly unoccupied. But I've been sick (valid excuse, right?). And in the time of being still and being okay with it, I noticed that my entire being seemed lighter, despite the heavy ache in my head, the coat of lead on my shoulders, and the pebbles in my ears. I feel a little bright spot growing inside me...You see, I want to be alive! It's a good thing.

well, in my freedom of not HAVING to do anything, I found that I was quite capable of doing the things that seemed so hard yesterday: I watered all the rose bushes, pruned the lavender, went grocery shopping, cooked myself a really yummy, simple, healthy meal with lots of garlic, ginger, and shitake mushrooms, and wrote in my blog. Taking care of myself actually felt good enough, job enough, worthy-of-life enough. What a concept, eh?