Sick girl

So, I've been a little sick for the past, oh. FOUR DAYS (and I'm about ready to be done with it all, thank you very much!). I don't really know what I've done to attract such a state of malaise, but my head has been filled with all sorts of pressure (I don't get allergies) and everything that comes out of my body seems slightly green. Perhaps my other senses are feeling underappreciated, since I've been putting so much emphasis on listening lately. In fact, my ears were the first things to fill with pain, then my throat, then my head...I could go on and on about my aches and pains, but I want you to know that I'm usually pretty good at moderating illness. Sometime when I was young, (it may have actually coincided with the time I was checking out a lot of books from the library concerning ESP, witchcraft, and telekinetics), I discovered that I could put off being sick. This usually occurred when I had a big swim meet on the weekend, and I knew that I had to swim a faster 100 yard butterfly than I had the previous week so that I could qualify for age groups or something, and all the signs of a cold were making a case for me to be bed ridden in my pink room instead. Now, as much as I liked my unicorn-filled pink room back in 1983, I preferred being in the water, with the way it felt as I rose from its depths and broke its surface to breathe, with two arms lifting behind me like wings, only to aide me in diving back into the buffered sounds of cheering voices and moving limbs. So, I'd negotiate with my symptoms, and put them to bed with a good mantra that went something like, "just wait until Monday, just wait until Monday!" and Monday would come, after I'd placed well in my age group for my 4 events, and I'd find myself coughing and sneezing and taking refuge with the one-horned beings, some ginger ale and saltines while my sister had to get on the big yellow school bus at the bottom of the hill alone.

well, sickness, I don't think I need you as an excuse to not be here right now. Perhaps I did a few days ago, when I didn't want to deal with finding a job, or telling my housemates that I was going to move out of the Fairhouse, or being a dutiful project person, writing down all the details of my trip and finding some sort of useful outlet for the general public. I'm okay with it all right now. I had a good, long talk with a relative stranger who reminded me that nothing really needs to make sense, nothing really has to have a universal meaning that everyone gets and appreciates, you just do what feels right, and everything else follows through. And I know I believe this, deep down--it's what allows me to get up everyday. So, thanks for showing up, for giving me an out or three, I appreciate your awareness of what I thought I needed (and perhaps I did need it): a break from my doubts and mind-altering fears, a reason to sleep late and go to bed early, a release for my moaning agony and an opportunity to appreciate my own body when its in good health. I get it, and I thank you for giving it to me. So, you're relieved of your duties, please, feel free to go on your way, dearest malady. Be well.